I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
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