How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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