I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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