why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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