if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
