oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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