My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
