Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
