You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sorry about my life...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
