You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's blow job season.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
