some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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