Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
