Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
