Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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