I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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