was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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