I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
