he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
