How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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