i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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