I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
