I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
