All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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