what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
