my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
