do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
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i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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