Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
