I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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