He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
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from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
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She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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