I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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