I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
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Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
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Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize