You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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