The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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