Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Come see our sink grown plant.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
