I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
