How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
