Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
