Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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