okay pat passed out under dana's car
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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