All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
