Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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