I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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