The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
