My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
