her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
