sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
