did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
did i walk over a car last night?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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