I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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