He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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