You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
