tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
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He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
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