I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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