i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
