3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
