Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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