So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
