i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
