You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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