i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
