called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
