Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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