Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
