Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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