I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
