I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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