I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
