Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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