The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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