I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
