I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
