I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
