I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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