you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
