My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
wanna go halves on a baby?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
