On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
