You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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