i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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