fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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