I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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