I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
