I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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