Quick, to the slutcave!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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