i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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