i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
